Sometimes I have to let off steam. These are the things that give me the shits. It’s not a full list. Don’t want to scare you with my grumpiness!
Unicorns. I feel bad, but ever since they have been absorbed into popular culture and appear on everything from playing cards to pyjamas to emoji’s, unicorns have lost their magic. I champion ferrets over unicorns any day.
∗
Hen parties with “The Hen” wearing a tiara and a sash inscribed, “Hen”. Sash. Tiara. Really. Makes me puke. Ditto bucks parties.
∗
Onesies. Especially if they’re unicorn onesies. And Onesie parties.
∗
Men who stand way too close to you in the tram, groin in your face. So close, it’d be easy to give them a blowjob. Maybe a good head butt in the goolies instead.
∗
Wraparound sunglasses with dark lenses. Yes, there may be health reasons for wearing them but more often than not they are worn by a certain type. Probably by the men who stand too close to my face on the tram.
∗
People who stand in front of the tram/train doors. I tread on their toes on purpose. They deserve it.
∗
Yoga poseurs on Instagram. Sick of people doing the stork pose. Nothing wrong with yoga I might add.
∗
Reality TV shows across the board. No exceptions. No, not even Masterchef. Possible exception, Who Do You Think You Are but I regard it more as a documentary.
The Age. Too Sydney centric nowadays. I don’t know who the journalists are anymore. Travel section seems full of Listicles and fewer feature articles. But if there was no Age I’d have to resort to the Herald Sun as my only Melbourne paper.
∗
My children assuming I don’t understand them. They know only a minute detail about my life before them. Trust me, kids I’ve probably been there and done it —so don’t patronise me.
Sidebar – I don’t hate my children.
∗
A weird sing-song way of storytelling that has crept into local vernacular. A self-deprecating tone when one goes up at the end of the phrase, and then back down again.
∗
The word ‘like’ For example “Like he told me like, that he drinks coffee like, without any sugar, like. ” End of sentence.
∗
People on Facebook groups who ask for recommendations because they don’t know how to use the Search function.
∗
Blog posts like this one. Unless I agree with them.
∗
Inspired by “What Makes Me Grumpy” segment on the wonderful Don’t Shoot the Messenger podcast with Caroline Wilson and Corrie Perkin and grumpy people everywhere.
What gives you the grumps?
The Pelvic Floor Coffee Club 
All of those are spot on. I will also add: people who walk staring into their smartphones like zombies and don’t look where they are going. I have to resist the urge to knock it out of their hand. People who sniff. Sniff on trains. Can I get you a tissue? A group of people who take up the entire footpath and you can’t overtake them so you are stuck behind them until a hole opens in the group. People who Don’t keep to the left on the escalator. And you end up missing your train.
LikeLike
I believe you have mentioned some very interesting points, thanks for the post.
LikeLike