So you’re now a woman of a certain age. This translates as someone over 40 whose boobs are sagging. Your chin may be sprouting hairs and fine line dots dot your face like a road map. You’re dried up, spat out and invisible. If anyone does see you, it’s assumed you have no interest in sex.
And perhaps you have lost interest. Maybe all your “bits” have grown over and cobwebs are getting mixed up with your pubic hairs. But underneath it all, there may still be a bit of desire lurking- perhaps a bit of fantasy for rumpy-pumpy. That’s where a fucket list can come in handy. It is a list of desirables, living and dead who you may have fantasised about for years- the more untouchable and unattainable the better.
Everyone should have a fucket list. If reality was skewed and if the time/space continuum was ignored and there were no barriers- who would you most like to have sex with? I don’t mean your long lost crush from year 10 or the unrequited love you had for your tennis coach. I’m talking about a long held passion for pop stars or film idols or perhaps a literary or sporting hero.
Here’s mine. Perhaps it’s entirely coincidental that a certain starship captain is first. Some of these may need no explanation or justification but I’ll do it anyway.
1. Patrick Stewart. Captain my captain. He’s the reason I sat through all 7 seasons of Star Trek Next Generation. It’s hard to explain why a short bald man in sci fi series attracted me. Probably something about the way he said ‘Engage’ in that glorious rich voice. And he does great Twitter and Instagram .
2. James Reyne. Ex-lead singer of Australian Crawl, solo artist, a sort-of actor(don’t mention Return to Eden). Handsome, funny, great lyricist and I snogged him once in the early 80s and have been smitten ever since.
3. Errol Flynn. Swashbuckling, he was the king, toast of tinsel town. Tasmanian born, author of My Wicked Wicked Ways and a Hollywood idol. As an actor he was ordinary, but his looks carried him through.
4. Rob Lowe. Rob and I go back a long, long way. I’ve followed his career since The Outsiders. I forgave the sex-tape and loved him as Sam Seaborn in The West Wing. He’s ageing like a fine red wine and stars in under-the-radar TV shows like the Grinder and Code Black. Lowe has written two books and launched a men’s skin care range.
5. Alan Rickman. He out-acted Kevin Costner in Robin Hood. He rocked as Hans Gruber in Die Hard. He broke our hearts in Truly Madly Deeply. He was the teacher we all loved to hate in Harry Potter. He had a voice dripping with molten honey and desire, using it to great effect as Marvin the Paranoid Android in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.
5. Tex Perkins. Aah Tex. You giant shambolic man. I first discovered you in the early 90s when I was living in Asia. I thought I didn’t miss Australia until I heard the snarl of his voice and it took me back to inner Melbourne and sweaty pubs on a summer night. Loved his special topic The Countdown Years on Rockwiz. And I haven’t mentioned his Johnny Cash shows with the very wonderful Justine Clarke. Tex gave Hutchence a run for his money as Australia’s sexiest front man. On reflection, there was no contest.
6. James Gandolfini. The unlikely and improbable sex symbol. He starred in the greatest TV show of all time and somehow convinced his audience that he was merely a lovable rogue and not a malevolent psychopath masquerading as a family man in New Jersey. No one does cigar-chomp like Gandolfini.
Check my Pinterest Crush- Fucket List page.
Denzel Washington, Jon Bon Jovi, Alexander Skarsgard.
Who is on your fucket list? I’d love to know!